My sentiments exactly
If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

-- B. Shaw

It’s most fun if you read it out-loud to yourself.

via ferrydust: professionalwidow: growingup: caloco-momo

  1. fatimarose reblogged this from likeavirgin and added:
    woww. i actually said like most of that right :]] that was fun.
  2. likeavirgin reblogged this from pieceofmymind
  3. chai-tea-latte-drinker reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de and added:
    this was super amusing
  4. lazyjane reblogged this from samsantos
  5. cuppboard reblogged this from the405 and added:
    A thing of beauty!!
  6. the405 reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  7. engmag reblogged this from jonmak
  8. spacetowrite reblogged this from faithfulfaerie
  9. sus reblogged this from spacepants-deactivated20090725
  10. lostinspacetimewhatever1 reblogged this from spacepants-deactivated20090725
  11. lilybart reblogged this from hello-therelove
  12. bananaramapajamallama reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  13. wildskirting reblogged this from fireflystare
  14. bellemcwhat reblogged this from cameronchristopher and added:
    I got them all, but I did notice a couple would be pronounced differently depeding on where you live (neither, leisure)
  15. candy-coated reblogged this from bubbleburst and added:
    maryclare:justlikeacold:zombienovela:growingup: Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach...
  16. pixierixie reblogged this from bigwordsexciteme and added:
    I just finished reciting it! It’s so long but it amused me. :D
  17. cameronchristopher reblogged this from foxfireburns and added:
    Wow. I missed corps but did fine otherwise.
  18. understand reblogged this from crispers
  19. thediscoinmypants reblogged this from lunacyfringe
  20. foxfireburns reblogged this from takeiteasylovenothing
  21. city-love reblogged this from goodmorningheartache
  22. goodmorningheartache reblogged this from takeiteasylovenothing and added:
    Yay! I’m proud of myself. =P I think I did pretty good. :)
  23. clarityofthemind reblogged this from smigin
  24. crispers reblogged this from sadisticandvain
  25. wakeupboo reblogged this from briand316 and added:
    Wow. Did pretty well, took me an entire ad break lol
  26. bigwordsexciteme reblogged this from makemeyourpicture
  27. no-room-in-this-hell reblogged this from lunacyfringe
  28. briand316 reblogged this from smigin and added:
    This is amazing. I’d make an audio post just to show how it’s done! :D I love knowing English.
  29. smigin reblogged this from lunacyfringe
  30. makemeyourpicture reblogged this from searchforbreaths and added:
    i LOVE this. i am a nerd.
  31. sadisticandvain reblogged this from ineedtotellyouallsomething-deac
  32. takeiteasylovenothing reblogged this from erikavw-deleted-deactivated2009 and added:
    It took me like five minutes to read this aloud, but I think I did okay. ;p
  33. ineedtotellyouallsomething-deac reblogged this from lunacyfringe and added:
    DAMN THAT’S FUCKING HARD O_O.
  34. searchforbreaths reblogged this from erikavw-deleted-deactivated2009
  35. lunacyfringe reblogged this from erikavw-deleted-deactivated2009
  36. erikavw-deleted-deactivated2009 reblogged this from loveireandsong and added:
    I’d make an audio post just for people to hear my fails XD Lol, jk.
  37. the-birdmans-wife reblogged this from loveireandsong and added:
    Good God, I’m knackered after that.
  38. loveireandsong reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de and added:
    recited this just there. My family think I’m mad
  39. spiralling reblogged this from fireflystare
  40. fireflystare reblogged this from hello-therelove
  41. bubbleburst reblogged this from xmichaelloser and added:
    Mr. Manaay days!
  42. xmichaelloser reblogged this from hello-therelove and added:
    it took me forever. haha
  43. fyuactually reblogged this from redheadsynecdoche-deactivated20
  44. lifeinplastic reblogged this from hello-therelove
  45. isay reblogged this from hello-therelove and added:
    Piece of cake. My mother would be proud.
  46. smnthsbd reblogged this from hello-therelove
  47. maryclare reblogged this from justlikeacold
  48. justlikeacold reblogged this from zombienovela and added:
    apparently i pronounce query wrong. along with a few other things. wtf.
  49. gnuyam reblogged this from argonauts
  50. gnuyam reblogged this from dondequiera
  51. avadakedeborah reblogged this from glitterbombs
  52. trashyirony reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  53. elloirs reblogged this from dreamsandbones
  54. dreamsandbones reblogged this from coffeestainedpages
  55. shizzlefry reblogged this from meganxoxo
  56. clablr reblogged this from jadore-mots and added:
    (jadore-mots:howl:firecrackers:growingup)...Study English pronunciation. I will teach you...
  57. beingrandom reblogged this from siddman
  58. katylouise reblogged this from prettysmart and added:
    I’m sorry, but what does pronunciation have to do with speaking “correct” English? There is no longer a “correct”...
  59. knightpanda reblogged this from hardlyinventive and added:
    hardlyinventive, padayon, dare, howl, firecrackers, growingup:...Dearest creature in...
  60. theraven reblogged this from amandoline
  61. hollyrock reblogged this from davereed
  62. feltlike reblogged this from amandoline
  63. comf reblogged this from beyourpet
  64. alphabetch reblogged this from snooz3r
  65. bloodrednails reblogged this from kappachan
  66. beyourpet reblogged this from helloidrinktea and added:
    lol i gave up halfway cos it got bored, but thats crazy how fucked english it! >w
  67. misskris reblogged this from coffeeandaknife
  68. coffeeandaknife reblogged this from davereed
  69. helloidrinktea reblogged this from naddypop and added:
    i feel proud of myself
  70. theotherbutterflyeffect reblogged this from hikergirl
  71. sflan reblogged this from davereed
  72. hikergirl reblogged this from davereed and added:
    It’s been reblogged to infinity, but it’s worth saving for my own Tumblr.
  73. davereed reblogged this from ferrydust and added:
    Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
  74. technofeliz reblogged this from ferrydust
  75. blondeambition reblogged this from bringmethathorizon
  76. snooz3r reblogged this from siddman
  77. ferrydust reblogged this from professionalwidow and added:
    That was really fun. :)
  78. kelvintraves reblogged this from dementes
  79. carocat reblogged this from kappachan and added:
    somethingofadreamer: squilitumblr: spunkfairy: dare: howl: firecrackers: growingup:
  80. annakaterina reblogged this from think4yourself
  81. doublebagel reblogged this from oldfilmsflicker
  82. elisper reblogged this from jennifercwang
  83. startover reblogged this from somethingofadreamer
  84. dorkery reblogged this from hardlyinventive
  85. aulia-m reblogged this from somethingofadreamer and added:
    firecrackers:growingup:
  86. kappachan reblogged this from somethingofadreamer
  87. jennifercwang reblogged this from jessk
  88. meganxoxo reblogged this from constellation and added:
    Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
  89. robotlove reblogged this from emilyegarvin
  90. wkstar reblogged this from professionalwidow
  91. alexita reblogged this from markley and added:
    got bored halfway through. -.-
  92. redfive reblogged this from amandoline
  93. professionalwidow reblogged this from acomely and added:
    Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
  94. markley reblogged this from shinyredballoon and added:
    Score for the home team.
  95. justagirl reblogged this from resurgam
  96. helloszabi reblogged this from siddman
  97. dondequiera reblogged this from amandoline
  98. acomely reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  99. applesandmustard reblogged this from stellark and added:
    geez louise english is so so damn confusing when you look at it like...major props to...
  100. youveinspiredme reblogged this from witnesssomethingbeautiful
  101. lissalynn reblogged this from maisavant and added:
    This is amazing.
  102. maisavant reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  103. stellark reblogged this from muffwagon
  104. witnesssomethingbeautiful reblogged this from theprosaic-deactivated20090315
  105. muffwagon reblogged this from bexattack and added:
    Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
  106. somethingofadreamer reblogged this from squilitumblr and added:
    that even I had to reach for...them. Gotta love English
  107. brbpbj reblogged this from amandoline and added:
    spunkfairy:dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:
  108. jessk reblogged this from shinyredballoon and added:
    randomnessnstuff:dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:...Dearest creature in creation, Study...
  109. golden-and-delicious reblogged this from siddman
  110. ladimcbeth reblogged this from shinyredballoon
  111. blogut reblogged this from crazyfor-you
  112. spanghew reblogged this from amandoline and added:
    spunkfairy:dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:
  113. shinyredballoon reblogged this from randomnessnstuff and added:
    dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:...two wrong. Jessk, for you.
  114. amandoline reblogged this from spunkfairy
  115. marze reblogged this from ephe
  116. emilyegarvin reblogged this from wolphcubz
  117. bexattack reblogged this from siddman
  118. imperiousrex reblogged this from crazyfor-you
  119. crazyfor-you reblogged this from squilitumblr and added:
    I cannot explain the thrill I get from reading this out loud. From the time we could read, my brother and I were to do...
  120. siddman reblogged this from think4yourself
  121. thingatude reblogged this from think4yourself
  122. bringmethathorizon reblogged this from think4yourself and added:
    marinakayy:theprosaic:growingup:
  123. coffeestainedpages reblogged this from oldfilmsflicker
  124. a-beautiful-mess-deactivated200 reblogged this from marinakayy
  125. updownunder reblogged this from theprosaic-deactivated20090315
  126. kdessss reblogged this from erinpierce and added:
    ditto. i think i did pretty well though. :)
  127. stephss715 reblogged this from wolphcubz
  128. erinpierce reblogged this from naddypop and added:
    I just spent 6 minutes saying this aloud to myself.
  129. ephe reblogged this from unamujerconsombrero
  130. autumnbrooke reblogged this from srsly
  131. kellyg42 reblogged this from srsly and added:
    I struggled with maybe 5 words I didn’t recognize, but I basically nailed it. GO ME.
  132. unamujerconsombrero reblogged this from out-standing
  133. killingbambi reblogged this from exactcenter
  134. gummybear reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de and added:
    poem by Gerald Nolst Trenite
  135. helloimdorothy reblogged this from wolphcubz
  136. crudmudgeon reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  137. wolphcubz reblogged this from tsoaf
  138. tiaragwin reblogged this from constellation
  139. tsoaf reblogged this from argonauts
  140. tryingtofindthewords reblogged this from argonauts
  141. ooiooioo reblogged this from exactcenter
  142. nicoletheresa reblogged this from lyndm
  143. neitherfreer reblogged this from naddypop
  144. ka-thea-han reblogged this from spunkfairy
  145. iwasbornsecularandinconsolable reblogged this from srsly
  146. thegreathudani reblogged this from padayon
  147. jonmak reblogged this from dabidski-deactivated20090802 and added:
    I can only seek solace in the fact that I’m not a native speaker.
  148. lissame73 reblogged this from resurgam
  149. resurgam reblogged this from apolloblanc
  150. squilitumblr reblogged this from spunkfairy and added:
    Se bene ricordo Bernard Shaw, oltre a far ripetere la Rana in spagna gracida in campagna alla povera Mayfair Lady....
  151. pizzariffic reblogged this from secretary
  152. think4yourself reblogged this from marinakayy and added:
    theprosaic:growingup: Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation....will...
  153. spunkfairy reblogged this from glitterbombs
  154. hardlyinventive reblogged this from padayon
  155. waku reblogged this from shorterexcerpts
  156. padayon reblogged this from glitterbombs
  157. shorterexcerpts reblogged this from dementes
  158. randomnessnstuff reblogged this from glitterbombs
  159. aprilisin-nolongeractive reblogged this from oldfilmsflicker and added:
    ohhhh myyy! so hard to read it !!! LOL ! i will try this everyday !
  160. dementes reblogged this from theprosaic-deactivated20090315
  161. myownprivate reblogged this from apolloblanc and added:
    theprosaic: growingup:
  162. colporteur reblogged this from srsly
  163. tinrulestheworld reblogged this from glitterbombs
  164. finc reblogged this from gauzeglitter
  165. mittenstategirl reblogged this from srsly
  166. new-ditty reblogged this from oldfilmsflicker and added:
    Love Love Love It :D
  167. lyndm reblogged this from srsly
  168. chiefmastersergeantmyers reblogged this from constellation
  169. thisisstefanie reblogged this from oldfilmsflicker and added:
    catherinehepburn:constellation:theprosaic:growingup:...Dearest creature in creation, Study...
  170. exactcenter reblogged this from hunting
  171. jadore-mots reblogged this from argonauts and added:
    firecrackers:growingup: Dearest creature in creation,
  172. fur-elise reblogged this from dominilucy
  173. lumberjacks reblogged this from theprosaic-deactivated20090315
  174. gauzeglitter reblogged this from argonauts
  175. glitterbombs reblogged this from argonauts and added:
    firecrackers:growingup:...Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I...
  176. oldfilmsflicker reblogged this from catherinehepburn
  177. onethu reblogged this from srsly and added:
    exceptions galore - imagine how frustrating it must be to learn this as a second language ugh
  178. argonauts reblogged this from recreant
  179. hunting reblogged this from srsly
  180. apolloblanc reblogged this from theprosaic-deactivated20090315
  181. definehero reblogged this from constellation
  182. dorkydamaris reblogged this from constellation
  183. catherinehepburn reblogged this from constellation
  184. recreant reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de
  185. mydwinderingthoughts reblogged this from ipictureyouinthesun